It's time to use words that I always "knew" I'd have to use one day, but still feels strange to actually be using... namely, this: my Dad just died today.
Time for flowery prose later... for now, the awful truth, the horrible vision of watching him gasp an gurgle for air in his nursing home bed, eyes open but not seeing... hands turned blue from lack of oxygen... the hope, but not the certainty, that all that was there was basic animal survival reflex, not the heart and mind of the man who helped me become what I am today.
Time for bittersweet memories of days past later... for now, the alternation of pain and numbness that lures you into embracing the numbness... but knowing that that path is closed to me, as I lived there long ago, and struggled to escape.
Time for worrying about how melodramatic this all sounds later... for now, the occupation of time until I can sleep, and then the new day after... the first day after my Dad died.
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1 comment:
Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a parent.
Matt and I are thinking of you. Please let us know if you need anything, even if it's just someone to feed your cats.
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