More family surprises

Thanks to the COVID-19 silliness abounding, we decided to do a small, family-only graveside service, which happened yesterday, to be followed by a larger memorial service at a later date.  When my brother showed up, he had two children with him, as expected... except I only recognized one of them.  You see, I was expecting my niece and nephew to show up with him, and instead it was my nephew and some strange boy.  While I was trying to wrap my head around why my nephew would invite a friend along to a funeral, never mind why such a theoretical friend would agree to come along, somebody introduced them to the pastor as the nephew and niece in question... which initially made me think that the niece had made some changes in haircut, garb, and so on, in the name of simplicity while dealing with coronavirus isolation.  But the truth was verified during a post-funeral get-together of the adults, that they are now "trans", choosing a new name for themselves and all.

Now, this is the part where anybody that doesn't know me might expect some homophobic rant to show up, but that's (hopefully) not what I expect to happen.  In broad strokes, I don't have any issues with the vast majority of the whole LGBTQ+ "spectrum" (or whatever it's called these days), because most of it boils down to "you love who you love", and, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, that makes it None of My Business.

That "T" part, on the other hand, is a bit of a different matter.  I realize full well that being perceived as male or female has significant societal impacts, but that doesn't erase the biological underpinnings that social structure is overlaid upon.  Since I can practically hear the howls of indignation already, let me add that I don't care about any arguments to the tune of "it's not just XX/XY genetics" (since that's the preponderance, and anybody with unusual combinations is likely sterile, and should just be thankful that their cells are robust enough to survive), or any "if I can't bear a child, you think I'm not a woman" nonsense.  How you present matters, on a biological level, and to present otherwise is an attempt to deceive the senses of your fellow humans.

Mind you, that's not necessarily a bad thing, nor is it at all an unnatural thing.  Just as one example, here's a cuttlefish that can go "half and half" to both appeal to a female and not trigger a rivalry response from another nearby male.  But, since we're talking about humans and deception, the next place I have to go is motivation, and that's going to vary from one person to the next.  Some motivations I can understand and accept, some more readily than others... in the case of my niece, they had told my sister at some point in the past that they didn't like being a girl.  It's a bit of a step from that to "I'm going to be a boy instead", but it's not outside of the realm of reason, especially given the social advantages of being male in many situations.  It still strikes me as being something on the same spectrum as being Otherkin, but if they're willing to put in the work to pass for male, which they definitely are at the moment, more power to them.

That said, I have also seen a number of trans people who do a relatively poor job of presenting as the gender they want to be seen as, then get bitterly offended if you don't refer to them in the manner they expect and, frankly, demand.  To them, I can only say it's on you to pull off the deception... I don't care about the context, any time anybody comes to me and asks me "who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?" it's going to be my eyes, 100%.

So, having put all that down, where do I stand on trans people?  In the case of my niece, I know them, love them, and trust them, so, all else being equal, we should be fine.  Everybody else, well, I simply don't do unconditional trust, so, without knowing the why behind the choice, it's going to be more difficult.  We can still get to know one another, and the why of who we both are, but I know I at least won't promise more than that.