It's like that old Mel Brooks quote, the one about how "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." Little setbacks can seem magnified way out of proportion when you're on the receiving end.
What brings up this line of thought? Well, I don't think I ever posted about this topic in this place, but the fact is that I was laid off from my job at the beginning of this whole COVID-19 pandemic. Originally, it was supposed to just be a layoff until June, which then became July, which then became "maybe you should look elsewhere for work." Still, I was better off than many in my position, having set aside a fair-sized rainy day fund for emergencies. That, coupled with the various relief packages offered by state and federal governments, says I'm not at any risk for significant financial impacts (like, say, dipping into retirement savings) until after next year, barring anything further unexpected in the meantime. In fact, thanks to the "long goodbye" from my prior company, I have actually viewed this whole situation as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity... no need to rush into a new job (because why expose yourself to the dread disease any more than you have to), and no ties binding me to my previous employer, I could be very selective in where I applied to work. Of course, the unstated assumption here is that my work history is so outstanding that, given the opportunity, any employer would be thrilled to have me come on board to work for them.
Well, the proof to that pudding just came through last night. I applied for a position with my state's small business development center back in July, had a Zoom interview in August, and got informed that the position had been filled last night. Intellectually, it made sense... given the time spans involved, there were likely a great many applicants, any of which could have had a better background or interviewed better or whatever, so not getting chosen is a likely outcome. Emotionally, though, it stung; here I offered them the knowledge and skills acquired over decades, and was rejected outright. So, I started out the night on a down note, then had another little down-stroke when the weekly game I regularly participate in was canceled because the guy running it had too much work to do... and likely sustained that down-stroke with the glass of sake I had poured for myself for that game. Even though I occupied myself with other things, the sense of "I've never failed like this on a job search" grew and grew.
That is, until I finally recalled an episode from a job search nearly two decades back. In that case, I had applied for a job with a local school district, then was called in for an interview... only to find out at the interview site that it was going to be a group interview (as in, multiple applicants in the same interview). The interview started with a question about something I knew well, but referenced by a name I never used or remembered, and I was given first crack at answering... and failing that, wasn't called on for the rest of the interview. Without question, that was a worse "fail" than just not getting selected on this one job application... and with that remembrance, while I still didn't feel great about failing, I felt (and continue to feel) better than I had been.
The funny thing is, there was a literal span of hours where, had I been asked, I likely would have said that I had never been rejected on a job application before. It's almost like some part of my brain decided, long ago, that "we'll just pretend that never happened", up until it decided to dredge up that tidbit as a useful scaling mechanism to help break a depressive cycle. I can't help but wonder, if someone had mentioned that previous failing before then, whether I would have recalled it happening or not. Oh well, mysteries of the brain and all that.
